THE “UNBOOKED, FLAPJACKLESS” HASH
Run Number: 372
Date: Mon 4 Sep 06
Time: 1 hour 25 minutes!!
Distance: About 6.5 miles
Run Location: Winterborne Whitechurch
The Pub: The Milton Arms
Pub Links:Weather: Overcast and muggy
HARE(S): Martin (Madness) Lawson
HOUNDS
Rear Row:- Martin (Madness) Lawson
- Terry (Walt) Disney
- Andy (Warthog) Goodman
- Rowland (Pet Rescue) Stibbards
Front Row- Bronwen (Ronlet) Jones
- Tim (Silent Running) Bryning and Monty (Alamein)
Not In Photograph:- Brian (BrEW) Errington-Weddle
Social Hounds/Hash Puppies:Real Hounds:
THE WORDS
Words to follow
You would think that after a 2- week lay off, folk would be raring for another hash, particularly as it was going to be Madness’s first ‘Live Lay’. Perhaps the promised 6.5 miles had put people off – but surely we’re not that wimpy? Anyway, it was only Walt, Warthog, Silent Running (and, of course, Alamein), BrEW and Ronlet who were prepared to take up the challenge, not forgetting Pet Rescue who was making a welcome return. Entente et Ça Va were apparently tackling an unfortunate sewage problem (Zut! Merde! as they say) and no doubt there’d be other feeble excuses from the rest.
Your scribe – ever on the look out for an easy ticket – cheerfully volunteered to do the words when the Hare produced a pre-On Briefing Poem. Good, well there’s half the words done! But before Madness could launch into his ‘Eulogy on a Live Lay’, a chap, sporting possible running kit (well he was wearing shorts and trainers) asked us what we were doing. Eager to promote the joys of hashing to a potential recruit, we explained our intentions. Unfortunately, it was a case of mistaken identity as he frostily retorted that it would have been nice to let him know about the hash, as he was the pub landlord and that parking was for patrons only. The Hare was swift with apologies and assured him that patronage of his watering hole was the intention –that is why we hash after all. But the wise old saying along the lines of ‘trod’ and ‘shirtlap’ came to mind…
Not to be thrown off his stride, Madness, who was sportingly attired in a bright Green ‘Beast’ T-shirt to aid Hare spotting, then recited as follows:You are the hounds and I am the hare.
Your task is to catch me but you’d better beware.
I know where I’m going, which is more than you do
And I’ve got some surprises –planned just for you.
But give me a start; five minutes’ll do it.
One blob and you’re on; there’s not a lot to it.
No whip-ins or smileys, no falsies or checks.
Just follow my trail, one dab to the next.
I’ll leave you three maps in case you get stuck,
And you won’t need to use ’em – with any luck.
But s’posing you do, for legs two and three,
There’s numbers in sawdust I reckon you’ll see.
And if you should catch me before I get back,
You’ll have to run with me ahead of the pack.
Now get yourselves ready. Wait five for the On.
Then try and find me, ‘cause by then I’ll be gone.
Not quite Sir John Betjamen but close. And 5 minute later…… fortunately, Walt was on the ball and had spotted where the Hare had turned off to the right – just as well as the first blob was discovered a good 100 yards or so up this lane. An early junction occasioned a check but not too long as Ronlet took up the cry down a straight, concreted and familiar road – a good 500m slog coming to a meeting of many ways. Here Pet Rescue second- guessed the Hare correctly and we headed east towards the Stickland road. Pet Rescue was on a roll here and having negotiated the stile straight ahead found the On, but slowed as he spotted Warthog taking a short cut to join us through a herd of lively looking bullocks – doesn’t he read the Blackmore Vale? They appeared, however, to enjoy the entertainment, echoing our cries of On On as BrEW hit the front having picked up the trail heading north once more.
This was another fair old stretch of just over half a mile, which was a good way of getting as much of the 6.5 miles out of the way! Coming to a welcome junction, we settled into a silently agreed routine of walking the checks and Walt guessed correctly along the road, sensing that the hare would be heading towards Whatcombe Wood, which we reached after a steady climb, passing an impressive pile of bricks and mortar and being outraced by another herd of bullocks and couple of horses.
A ‘2’ traced in sawdust informed us that we had completed Map 1 – oh, good. Only 2 to go. The trail took us along the side of the woods, where Pet Rescue had the opportunity to enlighten us on the possible reasons for the demise of some Blue Bottles who’d croaked in some horse sh**(Zut! Merde!). Fascinating. Favouring an uphill path into the woods, Ronlet then called the On but was to be savagely foiled at the next junction, heading down a steep incline which she was forced to run up again as the rest called the On in the opposite direction. Fortunately, Pet Rescue found a bag of beers and water generously deposited by the Hare, so we could all take a breather. His cry of “Beer Stop!” confused Silent Running who immediately stopped, put Alamein on a shorter rein, and scanned the tree-line for the expected herd. What a relief when he discovered it was a few tinnies.
Trouble with knowing an area really well – you can be sadly deceived, as Walt soon discovered. He was convinced the Hare would head back towards Milton Abbas. But before long it was absolutely clear he was not! This of course meant a degree of disorientation for the pack but Warthog and Pet Rescue seemed to have the best ideas and we eventually found ourselves back on the Stickland road in Winterborne Clenston. A tempting looking footpath sign, however, changed their trail finding fortunes, which gave us all a slight hiatus – seized upon by Alamein as he took to the river for a well-earned bathe. Ronlet decided that perhaps the Hare had opted for the road, a fortunate guess which got us all moving again as far as the church – an obvious place for a deviation. Silent Running checked left and had he been more eagle-eyed would have saved BrEW a long and fruitless search down the road. Walt corrected On Pres’ lapse and we now contoured south through the fields, back towards Whatcombe Farm closing near to our outward leg, with Silent Running and a refreshed Alamein steaming ahead. BrEW was particularly miffed as he struggled to catch the pack, passing the gate which would have afforded him a nifty shortcut. We now hit Number 3. Had the Hare no mercy!
Despite the temptation to head due south, we knew it couldn’t be that easy and again Pet Rescue found the next dab heading east towards some woods. Ronlet suspected that we should not have ignored an overgrown trail, and so headed back as the sawdust ran out. Letting Warthog take the lead and dampen down a few of the nettles (Had I mentioned the nettles? There were lots of them throughout the trail), we found the On, and Ronlet again guessed right taking a path of sorts parallel to the woods. Then all thoughts of sawdust were dismissed as the Green T-shirt was spotted on the horizon and the pack surged on, passing Keepers Cottage and storming up the hill – well some of them did. The next clump of woods brought about a change of fortunes – foiled by the deepening gloom and cunning of the Hare, we wallied about a bit here. Fortunately Warthog’s tenacity saved the day and then we managed just to spot the Hare as he disappeared again into a distant clump of trees. We could smell the beers and were not to be deflected by the now pitch black conditions under the trees and the cowering dog walkers who were clearly bemused by the antics of half a dozen people (of, shall we say, some maturity) who should know better.
Recognising the houses from a previous foray, b>BrEW hit the front and led us unerringly back to the pub where the Hare was waiting, still wiping the sweat from his brow. Almost got you! 1 hour 25 minutes – and there was Day Glo waiting to greet us too. He’d decided to run to the pub and had slightly mistimed it (?). What a blow. And then he dealt us another by saying he’d drunk the last pint of the real ale. Warthog was bereft. As for Alamein he just keeled over, lying prostrate, not to be shifted, for some 5 minutes. There was even some talk of Pet Rescue giving mouth-to-mouth. And to rub salt into the wounds, the Hare informed us that, because we’d spotted him, we’d missed part of the real trail where he’d left us some flapjacks!!! Cruel. Hmm, on second thoughts that would have meant we’d have been out even longer and there may not have been any Guinness left and the kitchen could have been closed…after all we hadn’t booked.
MUG & T-SHIRT RATINGS
(??*) - Denotes attendance by those not Mug Rated (social hounds).
GOLD T-SHIRT AWARD (50 AND OVER)
Andy (Warthog) Goodman (179); Bronwen (Ronlet) Jones (133); Terry (Buggalugs) Canham (108+1*); Brian (BrEW) Errington-Weddle (103); Ed (Birdseye) Sadd (94); Terry (Walt) Disney (86); Mark (Jibber) Humphries (70); Tim (Classic) King (69); Tim (Silent Running) Bryning (68); Duncan (Day Glo) Ray (59 + 2*); J-F (Entente) Lechanoine (55)
MUG AWARD AND CAN WEAR BLUE T-SHIRT (25 - 49)
John (Semaphore) Carr (42); Jason (Kinky Bugger) Wareham (40); Martin (Madness) Lawson (38); Tom (Jock) Moncur (38); Sylvie (Ça Va) Lechanoine (36+1*); Frances (Stop Watch) Canham (35*); Ruth (Typhoon) Canham (35*); Helen (Elle) Goodman (26*); Jim (Forget Me Not) Forrest (25 + 6*)
NEED MORE HASHES OR POSTING ORDER (10 - 24)
Steve (Bob the Builder) Pritchard (20); Nick (Tri Harder) Bateson (20); Gordon (F Med) Rafferty (18); John (Strider) Bryning (17); Tom (Two Shoes) Gillard (15); Ian (Abdul) Condie (11 + 1*); Lesley (Tinkerbell) Bryning (12*); Edward (The Wanderer) Vincent (11); Mark (Shady) Vincent (11); Rowland (Pet Rescue) Stibbards (10)
NEED MORE HASHES (5 - 9)
Gail (Tour Guide) Sadd (8 + 6*); J-C (Moose Milk) Boisvert (7 + 1*); Sarah Bryning (1+7*); Ben Sadd (6); James (i-Plod) Vincent (6); Emma Sadd (5); John (Nokia) Noraika (5); Nick (The Gnome) Laffan (5); Jayne (Blackberry) Boisvert (5*)
KEEP HASHING (1 - 4)
Clare Sadd (4); Ombeline Lechanoine (4*); Heather Terrington (2 + 1*); Steve (Cloth Ears) Lomas (2); Rod (Dyno) Thomas (2); James Carr (1); Julie Carr (1); William Carr (1); Martin Hughes (1); Debbie Keevash (1); Gabbi Lomas (1); Colin (tbc) McGrory (1); Mel Taylor (1); Fiona Ray (1); Robert Carr (1*); Sandie Disney (1*); Kate Forrest (1*); Fiona Vincent (1*); Janice Vincent (1*)
Price: Madness # 372 |
