THE “NICE PLUMS” HASH
Run Number: 403
Date: Monday 16 Jul 07
Time: 73 minutes
Distance: About 5 miles
Run Location: Gillingham
The Pub: The Dolphin Inn
Pub Links: To follow
Weather: Warm and mostly sunny
Hares, Hounds and Hash Stats
THE WORDS
Eight eager hounds were met at the Dolphin car park by our hares, Trip Hazard and Kinky Bugger. Trip Hazard had brought Jibber along with him; perhaps he felt he needed the exercise. Madness seemed to have needs of his own, and rushed off to test the pub’s plumbing shortly after arrival.
The briefing was uncontroversial: about five miles, three blobs and on, three smiley faces and four whip-ins. Wet shoes were promised towards the end, as long as we followed the trail. BrEW took the customary photos and then we spread in all directions looking for our first blob of dust.
Warthog was first on the scent, taking us north over a roundabout and on to a footpath on the left. It was here we noticed we’d been joined by Sloe, who’d arrived slightly late but speeded up in order to find us. Trip Hazard soon found some water and had two swims while waiting for the pack to decide where to go next. In the end, Two Shoes found the right path and led us clockwise round a long field. Warthog, who’d been checking elsewhere, didn’t see why he should retrace his steps and travelled clockunwise on a trail of his own devising to join the pack at a minor road. Here Strider took the lead and bounded off south across the fields towards the next road. In one of these fields, Jibber, who should’ve remembered the nature of the terrain from when he laid the trail, managed to insert his entire foot in something a cow had recently finished with. “Oh shit!”
Now it fell to Silent Running to take us on to a junction by another pub, The Buffalo. He thought he was on a roll as he charged across the road and disappeared amid cries of “On on”, only to find the first smiley face a bit farther on. Back to the crossroads, and after much searching, the one true path was found once more, and while Hidden Depths explored all the false trails, Strider took us over more fields and checks to a very strange place indeed. Strange for two reasons. Most surprising was the revelation by Warthog that he didn’t know where he was. This was a great shock to many of us, who had come to believe that there was no part of southern England, even the drier bits, that was not intimately known to the great man. The second strange thing was that when Silent Running attempted the schoolboy joke about the difference between a buffalo and a bison, BrEW didn’t know the answer, and had to have it told to him. Inexplicable!
Our route took us through a tunnel under a railway and soon doubled back through someone’s garden (nice looking tennis court, but no time to stop). Over a stile and through a field with horses, and we came to a tricky stile leading to the railway again. Ronlet helpfully took Trip Hazard’s lead as he was eased through the obstruction and suddenly found herself hauled with great force over the tracks, with no time even to read the warning advice to look and listen before crossing, let alone act upon it.
We were now heading northeast across fields towards town, with Warthog, Strider and Sloe doing much of the front running. Ronlet looked like she was on a winner at one point, but it turned out to be another smiley. That was two; we never found the third. Our path led us to a stream, which we could have run through, but all bar Trip Hazard took the footbridge. We stopped at the main road and met two men with tattoos who were picking plums (quite tasty). Crossing the road, we suddenly found ourselves in Gillingham, and what’s more, running past an Indian restaurant. Glances were exchanged, and mental notes made.
That wasn’t the end though, as we weren’t yet in the right part of town, so after wiggling through some side streets we took once more to the fields. The hares must have been running out of dust by this stage, as we didn’t see much evidence of it. Still, by looking behind us and adjusting our trajectory to rejoin the hares, who were ambling along the correct (but unmarked) path, we reached the ford. This was the wet bit we had been promised, and we were told not to use the footbridge so as to get the full benefit of the shoe cleaning service on offer. I’m sorry to report that only four of the party did the right thing. Well done to Warthog, Madness, Kinky Bugger and Trip Hazard. Shame on the rest of you!
With some of us leaving big wet footprints on the road west, we plodded for a couple of hundred yards until we saw the On In. Then it was left onto the main road, past the roundabout, and into the pub garden for a change of clothes under the gaze of the security cameras. Did someone say “nice plums”, or was that an earlier remark? Keep an eye open for future showings on ‘You’ve Been Framed’ and ‘Police, Camera, Action’.
In the pub, Kinky Bugger unwisely let slip that it was his birthday soon, and ended up buying drinks. As this was an unusual event, I made a note of the exact time. It was 2019 (that’s the time of day, not the year he plans to buy some more). Later on, five of us followed our noses back to the Indian and had a jolly good feed. They were so impressed with our eating performance they gave us all free Baileys, and Madness drank most of them.
HARES, HOUNDS AND HASH STATS
Hare(s): Jibber (& Trip Hazard), Kinky Bugger
Hounds: BrEW, Hidden Depths, Madness, Ronlet, Silent Running, Sloe, Strider, Two Shoes, Warthog
Social Hounds/Puppy Hashers: Not this time
Real Hounds: As above
Back to The Words
MUG & T-SHIRT RATINGS
(??*) - Denotes attendance by those not Mug Rated (social hounds).
RED T-SHIRT AWARD (100 AND OVER) ….when we get them
Andy (Warthog) Goodman (201); Bronwen (Ronlet) Jones (164); Brian (BrEW) Errington-Weddle (127 + 2*); Ed (Birdseye) Sadd (119); Terry (Walt) Disney (110); Terry (Buggalugs) Canham (108 + 1*); Mark (Jibber) Humphries (100)
GOLD T-SHIRT AWARD (50 AND OVER)
Tim (Silent Running) Bryning (98 + 1*); J-F (Entente) Lechanoine (78); Tim (Classic) King (69); Jason (Kinky Bugger) Wareham (69); Martin (Madness) Lawson (67); Duncan (Day Glo) Ray (64 + 2*)
MUG AWARD AND CAN WEAR BLUE T-SHIRT (25 - 49)
Sylvie (Ça Va) Lechanoine (44 + 2*); John (Semaphore) Carr (42); Tom (Jock) Moncur (38); Frances (Stop Watch) Canham (35*); Ruth (Typhoon) Canham (35*); Jim (Forget Me Not) Forrest (25 + 6*); Helen (Elle) Goodman (27*)
NEED MORE HASHES OR POSTING ORDER (10 - 24)
Gail (Tour Guide) Sadd (8 + 16*); Tom (Two Shoes) Gillard (23); John (Strider) Bryning (22); Mark (Shady) Vincent (22); Steve (Bob the Builder) Pritchard (20); Gordon (F Med) Rafferty (18); Rowland (Pet Rescue) Stibbards (16); Lesley (Tinkerbell) Bryning (14*); Edward (The Wanderer) Vincent (12); Ben (The Slobby Uno ♂) Sadd (11); Sarah Bryning (1 + 9*)
NEED MORE HASHES (5 - 9)
Graham (Hidden Depths) Plaice (9); Emma Sadd (8 + 1*); James (i-Plod) Vincent (7); Patrick (Sloe) Ginn(6); Clare (The Slobby Uno ♀) Sadd (4 + 2*); Ombeline Lechanoine (5*); John (Nokia) Noraika (5); Wendy Stibbards (5*)
KEEP HASHING (1 - 4)
Jean-Baptiste (Pierre) Blandenet (4); Peter Fuller (4); Nikki (Xtra Miles) Brooks (3); Heather Terrington (2 + 1*); Steve Thornton (3); Jenny Fuller (2); Paul (Crazy Fool) Kadoch (2); Steve (Cloth Ears) Lomas (2); David Orriss (2); Rod (Dyno) Thomas (2); Janice Vincent (2*); Chantelle Wareham (2); Mary Burden (1); William Burden (1); James Carr (1); Julie Carr (1); William Carr (1); Ben King (1); Martin Gabbi Lomas (1); Colin McGrory (1); Hilary Naylor (1); Fiona Ray (1); Robert Carr (1*); Sandie Disney (1*); Kate Forrest (1*); Renee Ginn (1*); Alf Sadd (1*); Fiona Vincent (1*)
Back to The Words
Price: Jibber & Kinky # 403 |
