THE “POSH” HASH
Or in Nautical Parlance Port Out Starboard Home
Run Number: 420
Date: Sun 16 Dec 07
Time: 1 hr 40 mins
Distance: 12 km long
Run Location: East Stour
The Pub: The Crown Inn
Pub Links: To Follow
Weather: Warm, broken cloud
Hares, Hounds and Hash Stats
THE WORDS
Unlike our previous Sunday Hash, the weather was surprisingly clement for the time of year (it wasn’t chucking it down with rain and bitterly cold) it was only the wind that kept us from stripping off to shorts and T shirts and the fact that we had to go into the Pub to order our lunches before setting off. Food was ordered with the minimum of fuss and Warthog was soon doing a very good impersonation of a no nonsense school teacher as he led us through the briefing for the benefit of 16 hounds. A certain amount of barracking was greeted with distain and yours truly was given a paper copy of the briefing notes for his troubles. Not only that, but I was also pinged to do the words for the run. So now you lot are on the receiving end of the POSH HASH WORDS where runners from all over Dorset representing Ham Hill Hash, Blandford Hash and Dorset Doddlers met for a Warthog epic.
Just been out for a spot of festive spirit or was it splash of spirit or maybe just festive alcohol, anyway to get on with the story: Briefing over, the ever ebullient Strider and Air Force Paul (Allen) led the way to the first check. The rest of us were already trying to second guess the Hare’s choice of trail and had to play catch up in a serious way as Strider, living up to his name, was in danger of disappearing over the horizon.
Left turn and Silent Running has slipped into the lead with Emptier fast catching up looking for his moment of glory or just a serious bit of training for the London Marathon in April, who is to say which? Whatever the case, Duncliffe lurks at the back of all locals’ minds, as the one hill in the area that we will surely have to surmount before the end is in sight. First though, we have to cross a field to a whip in, to ensure the safe crossing of the A30, (notable race track through the Dorset countryside). Today all is fairly calm as we cross the main road and over a gate on the other side. There are at this point some mutterings from the Hare alluding to the fact that gates should normally be opened instead of vaulted. Something to do with less pressure on the hinges and more farmer-friendly. It could be that the Health and Safety executive are slowly inveigling their way into the Hash modus operandi, and that soon we will be carrying out risk assessments before every run: perish the thought!
We begin to realise that Kinky Bugger seems to have disappeared but are not too concerned that he may have rolled into a ditch – Jibber suspects some subterfuge. As we gather pace towards the next check, Diva and Flasher are introduced to your scribe and on some investigating it turns out that Flasher got her handle for the opportune use of a camera, not the other sort if you know what I mean! Next check right turn and then general confusion as the trail needs a bit of searching to find amid cattle trails, water troughs and long grass. Warthog helps out eventually by showing Ronlet and Day Glo were the blobs are heading. Obvious once you know, which is often the case with Hashing, but you should not be taken in too readily as all is often not as it appears. Soon we are at another whip in to allow everyone to check left and right to ensure no cars are about to flatten the pack. All clear, so we turn left on the B3902 then 1st left again by a field gate. It’s now uphill and once again Strider is in his element with Slobby Uno ♂ close on his heels to a stile then on to Terrace Farm and Scotchey Lane where at the check we do a left and right and Jibber manages to elude the effects of the previous nights hangover and take the lead even if temporarily.
Here my notes and memory become very disjointed, (I put it down to the cold) it was, however, noted that Midflow (didn’t have to ask where the handle came from although ….did I?) was very much the gentleman and checking to ensure that Grotbag wasn’t being left behind. It may just have been an excuse for a chat whilst others were doing the checking, an often used ploy that Walt is very keen on. So, through a gate to the road, and another whip in. Left along the road then right towards Riverdale Farm with BrEW pushing the leaders hard and second guessing the Hare’s deviousness. Across a maize field and over the odd stile or two we went towards West Stour. The mud was building up on our shoes to make high heels which started to feel like lead weights. ET was well at the front by this point, but soon lost it as we crossed over the river to make a long loop past the Manor and back to the River Stour and a silent section where fishermen were busy doing not much as fishermen do. Watching out for barbed wire we reached another check where Jibber led us all up the garden path to a smiley. Retracing our steps with the first last and last first we found the trail again only to be halted once more by devious trail laying. At the whip in some careful advance recce work by Ronlet helped us to keep moving and Emptier was called back from yet another false trail as we headed for Stour Provost.
Day Glo and Midflow met at the kissing gate:- not the ideal assignation for either of them! As we approached Fifehead Magdalen, some horses took a distinct interest in Slobby Uno ♂ (now why would that have been?) whilst the rest of us passed by apparently unnoticed. Next check turn left with Silent Running champing at the bit. Kinky Bugger mysteriously reappeared at this juncture, and was given a hard time for being in cahoots with the Hare. More delays as the false trails were checked out around the church and a Police car was seen approaching, possibly to rescue Kinky Bugger, but apparently just late for doing the shopping or some such errand. Turning left into a field the Hare kindly let Walt, ET and Day Glo into the secret of a short cut (actually it was not that much shorter). Over a bridge, back on ourselves and a much appreciated drink and food stop under cover in somebody’s large workshop (nice one Warthog) Christmas and “Drinks were all around us” (Love Actually) and even a table cloth to add a touch of class. Lots of snacks, crisps, peanuts and stolen all washed down with a choice of drinks.
Having stiffened up during the refreshment break it was a struggle to get going again, but BrEW and Ronlet showed no such problem as they led the way back onto the trail. Various checks got us through Stour Provost via the church and more false trails before heading back across the B3092 on Stour Lane then left turn into Dairy Close and back into the fields again. Almost without realising we passed close to our outward markers on Scotchey Lane. Silent Running ignored the Hare’s instructions at this point and continued to call the On On as we passed yet more fishermen concentrating on their rods (as they do).
Birdseye finally got a look in as Strider and Paul made a long detour on some fictitious trail. Another Smiley bunched the hounds up again as we looked for a hole in the hedge and the real trail. At this stage we realised that Duncliffe Hill was not going to be scaled and with much relief we headed north towards the A30 and home. Those that thought they were being really clever took the obvious option at the next check only to find that there was a smiley and they had to backtrack whilst the rest of us looked smug. One or two hounds were caught out by what must have been the only live fencing wire on the whole run (painful). The final whip in at the Udder Farm Shop saw us safely across the A30 past Hart Gill Farm and the on home.
An excellent run, and what timing, within seconds of arriving at the car park we were told that meals would soon be ready and there was a rush to get in the first round of drinks before food was served.
We were joined at the On On by Madness still sporting his alternative footwear, Elle as charming as ever and Tour Guide who had been out walking the dog. Food was served very efficiently, the advantage of booking early and ordering before you set off. It was not long before cleaned plates were being carted off and hounds and Hare headed off to the respective abodes.
HARES, HOUNDS, AND HASH STATS
Hare(s): Warthog
Secret Co-Hare: Kinky Bugger
Blandford H3 Hounds: Birdseye, BrEW, Emptier, Jibber, Ronlet, Silent Running, Slobby Uno ♂, Strider, Walt
Ham Hill H3 Hounds: Diva (Jane Mills), ET (Steve Church), Flasher (Nicky Adcock), Grot Bag (Sue Fox), Midflow (Fred Fox)
Doddlers: Paul Allen
Social Hounds: Elle, Madness, Tour Guide
Real Hounds: Alamein
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MUG & T-SHIRT RATINGS
(??*) - Denotes attendance by those not Mug Rated (social hounds).
RED T-SHIRT AWARD (100 AND OVER) ….And we’ve got them – for £10!
Andy (Warthog) Goodman (213); Bronwen (Ronlet) Jones (180); Brian (BrEW) Errington-Weddle (144 + 2*); Ed (Birdseye) Sadd (132); Terry (Walt) Disney (124); Tim (Silent Running) Bryning (117 + 1*); Mark (Jibber) Humphries (116); Terry (Buggalugs) Canham (108 + 1*)
GOLD T-SHIRT AWARD (50 AND OVER)
Jason (Kinky Bugger) Wareham (89); Martin (Madness) Lawson (82 + 3*); J-F (Entente) Lechanoine (79); Tim (Classic) King (69); Duncan (Day Glo) Ray (66 + 2*)
MUG AWARD AND CAN WEAR BLUE T-SHIRT (25 - 49)
Sylvie (Ça Va) Lechanoine (44 + 2*); John (Semaphore) Carr (42); Tom (Jock) Moncur (38); Frances (Stop Watch) Canham (35*); Ruth (Typhoon) Canham (35*); John (Strider) Bryning (33); Jim (Forget Me Not) Forrest (25 + 6*); Helen (Elle) Goodman (29*); Mark (Shady) Vincent (27); Tom (Two Shoes) Gillard (26); Gail (Tour Guide) Sadd (8 + 17*)
NEED MORE HASHES OR POSTING ORDER (10 - 24)
Rowland (Pet Rescue) Stibbards (22); Steve (Bob the Builder) Pritchard (20); Gordon (F Med) Rafferty (18); Graham (Hidden Depths) Plaice (17); Peter (Emptier) Fuller (16); Lesley (Tinkerbell) Bryning (14*); Pierre (Quelque Chose) Leroy (12); Ben (The Slobby Uno ♂) Sadd (12); Edward (The Wanderer) Vincent (12); Patrick (Sloe) Ginn (11); Sarah Bryning (1 + 9*)
NEED MORE HASHES (5 - 9)
Emma Sadd (8 + 1*); James (i-Plod) Vincent (7); Clare (The Slobby Uno ♀) Sadd (4 + 2*); Wendy Stibbards (7*); Jenny Fuller (3 + 2*); Paul (Crazy Fool) Kadoch (5); Ombeline Lechanoine (5*); John (Nokia) Noraika (5)
KEEP HASHING (1 - 4)
Jean-Baptiste (Pierre) Blandenet (4); Nikki (Xtra Miles) Brooks (4); Andy (Muddy) Cheney (4); Manuela Leroy (4*); Steve Thornton (4); Heather Terrington (2 + 1*); Pierre Leroy Jnr (2); Rebecca Leroy (2*); Steve (Cloth Ears) Lomas (2); David Orriss (2); Rod (Dyno) Thomas (2); Janice Vincent (2*); Chantelle Wareham (2); Mary Burden (1); William Burden (1); James Carr (1); Julie Carr (1); William Carr (1); Ben King (1); Gabbi Lomas (1); Colin McGrory (1); Hilary Naylor (1); Fiona Ray (1); Robert Carr (1*); Sandie Disney (1*); Kate Forrest (1*); Renee Ginn (1*); Mike Lock (1); Emma Rae (1); Alf Sadd (1*); Fiona Vincent (1*)
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Price: Warthog # 420 |
