THE “TWO LAMP POSTS AND YOU’RE ON” HASH
Run Number: 432
Date: Monday 19 May 08
Time: 63 minutes
Distance: 5 miles
Run Location: The Ham Car Park at Blandford Forum
The Pub: The Greyhound Inn and then the Simla Tandoori
Pub Links: To follow
Weather: Cloudy but dry
Hares, Hounds and Hash Stats
THE WORDS
…And then, I was running around Blandford Forum with 16 runners looking for lamp posts and saw dust, and shouting in a strange language. Our trail led to a river, a mysterious frog and a cave, where the ghost of King Arthur greeted me, with the Holy Grail …which was nice.
A cacophony of hounds, 16 and 1 social in total, met at Blandford’s old Safeway’s ‘Ham’ car park, on a rather chilly evening, for the time of year. In fact, Ronlet was sporting a rather fetching pair of black gloves… Kinky Bugger on the other hand, wore a pair of very white and so so smart, brand new trainers (what would his mother say?). Walt, our Hare briefed us with various tit bits, such as ‘treat all intersections as a check’ and to venture ‘no further than 2 lamp posts’ in our search for dust. He warned us that pesky kids may have sabotaged his artwork of whip-in signs and smiley faces and then sent us on our way, towards the Crown Hotel.
From here it’s all a bit hazy, but I remember we ran through a few streets, scared one or two cats (Warthog haunted several children); Crazy Fool made the blue bridge sway and then some of us went for a curry. Well ok, maybe I’ve missed a bit; so here it is, once more with passion, or ‘in techno colour’ as they say in Brazil.
Passing the Crown, led by Silent Running, the pack looped around the back of Bryanston Street to join Eagle House Gardens and ultimately the T junction at White Cliff Mill, where Ronlet took to the helm and guessed correctly, taking the gang left. Soon we met a 3-way check, when most of the group mumbled to each other with hands (or gloves!) on hips, debating and predicting an On along the old railway line. Sure enough, this became Walt’s devious plan and 2 lamp posts later, we were literally back on track. Then of course, there were a distinct lack of lamp posts or anything of an urban texture to guide us, as we hit upon various fox runs leading up the sides of steep banks. Warthog, wallowed in this rare, brown coloured diversion and was later seen sliding back down on his back side, on hearing Ronlet calling the On! Further along this sentimental path, past some alluring steps left and right, until eventually taking a sharp right, climbing up onto the main road (‘Milldown’, I think?). Here we negotiated a 3 way check from the bridge, before House Hunter found the On, right, leading the rabble to Jubilee Way.
Now we were in the heart of North Blandford, ducking and diving through a muddle of cul-de-sacs and back alleyways. But this was surely not a problem with our secure knowledge of the ‘2 lamp posts’ rule? Somehow, this didn’t seem to apply when Crazy Fool was checking, as he was spotted on at least 23 occasions bounding past a fifth lamp post (must improve in time for the Marines!) Hidden Depths delved into Blandford’s darkest pockets but it was BrEW who stirred things up, finding a key dab along a back passage, avoiding a smiley face at the bottom of a hill! Meanwhile, Warthog was scaring a few innocent kiddies, skipping home from school , whilst the ‘On On!’ calls were leaving the community dumbstruck and bemused – perhaps they’d been invaded by cling-ons, or more accurately, wild dogs from the planet Hash! Anyway, the pack now led by Emptier and Jibber headed north east along Salisbury Road, past the cemetery and eventually right, possibly down Preetz Way, to enter yet more ‘rat runs’ and cut-throughs, past front gardens, one with a man cleaning his car, who called out ‘come-on you lot, keep-up!’ (We know where he lives, not to mention what his car looks like – I wonder if House Hunter made an offer on his Dormer Deluxe?) In one of the alley ways, Madness claimed he saw a frog appear, who whispered to him ‘This way to the pub’. …Utter madness, (surely it was a toad?) I digress, onwards and this time Birdseye had found the trail, complete with sexy lamp posts, leading the gang into Elizabeth Road, left into Kings Road, before sweeping majestically into leafy St Leonards Avenue complete with one hedge sculpted to a Lochness monster and another cut in a teddy bear shape (clearly Blandford’s very own Beverly Hills). Two Shoes spotted his colleague’s (Stevie Thornton’s) car parked outside his abode and was tempted to knock on the door to invite him out (Steve had no idea what he was missing!)
Now we were on the homeward stretch, finding Wimborne Road and almost the corner of the By-pass, where we took a sharp right into our final housing estate, perhaps Blandford’s answer to Poundbury (on Stour)? The mob enjoyed a canter around the 4 bed detached and the 2 bed semis, scuffing the freshly mown lawns and then joined a small common, where Blandford’s church tower was suddenly visible. Over the Blue Bridge we galloped, Mike finding a sudden spring in his hooves, whilst Drama Queen led us back to our relieved awaiting cars; wheels, windows, tyres, wing mirrors and steering wheels still present! Now we could all join Orson for a well earned pint and a poppadom, hoorah!
What a great run! With thanks and well done to Walt, for masterminding Blandford’s urban labyrinth.
HARES, HOUNDS AND HASH STATS
Hare(s): Walt
Hounds: Birdseye, BrEW, Crazy Fool, Drama Queen, Emptier, Hidden Depths, House Hunter, Jibber, Kinky Bugger, Madness, Ronlet, Silent Running, Two Shoes, Warthog, Mike Lock
Social Hounds/Puppy Hashers: Orson
Real Hounds: Not this time
Back to The Words
MUG & T-SHIRT RATINGS
(??*) - Denotes attendance by those not Mug Rated (social hounds).
RED T-SHIRT AWARD (100 AND OVER) ….And we’ve got them – for £10!
Andy (Warthog) Goodman (222); Bronwen (Ronlet) Jones (193); Brian (BrEW) Errington-Weddle (153 + 4*); Ed (Birdseye) Sadd (139); Terry (Walt) Disney (135); Tim (Silent Running) Bryning (130 + 1*); Mark (Jibber) Humphries (129); Jason (Kinky Bugger) Wareham (102)
GOLD T-SHIRT AWARD (50 AND OVER)
Martin (Madness) Lawson (91 + 6*); Duncan (Day Glo) Ray (70+ 2*); Tim (Classic) King (69)
MUG AWARD AND CAN WEAR BLUE T-SHIRT (25 - 49)
John (Strider) Bryning (33); Helen (Elle) Goodman (30*); Tom (Two Shoes) Gillard (29); Gail (Tour Guide) Sadd (8 + 20*); Mark (Shady) Vincent (27); Rowland (Pet Rescue) Stibbards (26)
NEED MORE HASHES OR POSTING ORDER (10 - 24)
Graham (Hidden Depths) Plaice (21); Peter (Emptier) Fuller (18); Lesley (Tinkerbell) Bryning (15*); Pierre (Quelque Chose) Leroy (17); Ben (The Slobby Uno ♂) Sadd (13); Edward (The Wanderer) Vincent (12); Patrick (Sloe) Ginn (11); Sarah (..) Bryning (1 + 9*); Emma (…) Sadd (8 + 2*)
NEED MORE HASHES (5 - 9)
Paul (Crazy Fool) Kadoch (9); Alan (Orson) Kerridge (8+1*); Wendy (…) Stibbards (8*); Jenny (…)Fuller (3 + 4*); James (i-Plod) Vincent (7); Clare (The Slobby Uno ♀) Sadd (4 + 2*); Manuela (…)Leroy (5*); Craig (Drama Queen)White (5)
Back to The Words
Price: Walt # 432 |
