THE “INTERNAL MAIL NETTLE RASH CONSPIRACY” HASH
Run Number: 443
Date: Monday 12 Jun 08
Time: 75 minutes
Distance: About 5.5 miles
Run Location: The Royal Oak at Milborne St Andrew
The Pub: The Oak at Dewlish
Pub Links: To follow
Weather: Overcast and drizzly
Hares, Hounds and Hash Stats
THE WORDS
The moment the notification from Two Shoes that the pub was not available for food due to the fact that the ceiling had to come down, without indication that this was to be an act of God, a local artisan or simply a cunning ruse to avoid having to accommodate a bunch of sodden hashers, the senses should have been alerted.
We duly gathered on a deserted, garage forecourt adjacent to the pub, and it was then that the first inklings of the dastardly nettle conspiracy manifested itself – apart from Walt, Madness, Warthog, Drama Queen and Ronlet the rest of the pack and both hares appeared in long trousers – having been warned of an impending stingathong by an ‘internal email’.
After the briefing, Ronlet nominated a panic-stricken Drama Queen for the words. The photo was then taken in front of the ceiling-stricken pub, and we were off, across the road and down a narrow footpath – with Warthog leading the way.
After a few hundred metres we were onto the first check, with Jibber, Quelque Chose and Silent Running checking.
Soon we were off again, heading away from the village. After passing briefly through a ploughed field, where a friendly local called out directions (or it could have been insults) we arrived at the next check. Kinky Bugger called the on, and we off again down a farm track, and heading vaguely East (could have been any direction – but not having a map ‘East’ sounded like an exotic location!). Soon after we came upon a false trail, and the entire hash were impressed by the artistic nature of the cross – Warthog was almost moved to tears, and Hidden Depths and Two Shoes were duly congratulated.
As we were heading off, BrEW observed that there was a hill fort nearby, and as it was the highest point around we were bound to ascend it. However the trail led us adjacent to the fort, until, having left it to our left (technical term for North) we then headed into the ‘stinging zone’. This transpired to be a circular route through a wooded nettle plantation. The only remote joy for the trouser-less victims during this section was when Two Shoes slipped on the path, and Madness uncharitably wished a nettle to find its way to a sensitive spot!
The next cry was from Ronlet and we were on and out of the woods and heading in a perhaps a North Westerly direction towards the hill fort.
The route then led into a field full of cows – ‘frisky heifers’ according to Walt, and while the rest of the pack watched from the safety of the stile, Warthog raced up the hill like some mud splattered Piper of Hamlin, with 30 heifers, hot on his heels. Jibber, Silent Running and Kinky Bugger, inspired by this show of animal husbandry, forged the way after him, with the rest following on at a more restrained and cautious pace.
At the check at the top of the hill, Walt announced that the best sheep came from his county – which was also the biggest, and although Drama Queen guessed correctly the county, nobody ventured a challenge to the claim for best sheep, or indeed an explanation of ‘at what! Shortly after this revelation, at another check, there was a moment of initial Gallic elation, when Quelque Chose thought he had found a Smiley Face, although this was a fleeting ‘joie de vive’ (excuse the spelling Pierre), when it transpired it was actually a rain sodden cross.
The on was called by BrEW, who seemed to be the other side of a sheer cliff face – Silent Running attacked it with gusto, and showed the rest of the pack his mountaineering skills. Hidden Depths opted for a small branch, which he utilised like an ice-pick – the rest just clawed their way up.
After a few hundred yards we had a whip in at the monument – a rather large pillar with a large ball mounted on the top. Two Shoes gave a brief lecture on the history and we were off again, led by Kinky Bugger.
After descending from the hill fort there was a long run through a field of knee-high crops, which was accompanied by a now rather constant drizzle of fine rain –fortunately BrEW had the foresight to find a tractor track which made the going much easier, and eventually we emerged out onto a single track lane. It was at this check that Jibber, not to be outdone by Warthog in the field of animal relationships set off into a field inhabited by a single sheep, who obviously took a liking to him and started to follow him, Kinky Bugger was next in, followed by Silent Running and Walt and then the rest of the pack. The sheep, obviously by now spoilt for choice, lost interest and returned to her herbivorous activity.
With the village in sight, we could sense the in, Madness claimed he could smell the beer, and tried for the final time to explain to Drama Queen what you had do for the words and who was who on this hash!
Finally it was into the main street and up and in. Everyone (apart from Drama Queen who had to go off and ponce about on stage), sensibly retired to the Royal Oak at Dewlish for the necessary refreshments.
HARES, HOUNDS AND HASH STATS
Hare(s): Hidden Depths, Two Shoes
Hounds: BrEW, Drama Queen, Jibber, Kinky Bugger, Madness, Quelque Chose, Ronlet, Silent Running, Walt, Warthog
Social Hounds/Puppy Hashers: Not this time
Real Hounds: Not this time
Back to The Words
MUG & T-SHIRT RATINGS
(??*) - Denotes attendance by those not Mug Rated (social hounds).
RED T-SHIRT AWARD (100 AND OVER) ….And we’ve got them – for £10!
Andy (Warthog) Goodman (223); Bronwen (Ronlet) Jones (194); Brian (BrEW) Errington-Weddle (154 + 4*); Ed (Birdseye) Sadd (139); Terry (Walt) Disney (136); Tim (Silent Running) Bryning (131 + 1*); Mark (Jibber) Humphries (130); Jason (Kinky Bugger) Wareham (103)
GOLD T-SHIRT AWARD (50 AND OVER)
Martin (Madness) Lawson (92 + 6*); Duncan (Day Glo) Ray (70+ 2*); Tim (Classic) King (69)
MUG AWARD AND CAN WEAR BLUE T-SHIRT (25 - 49)
John (Strider) Bryning (33); Helen (Elle) Goodman (30*); Tom (Two Shoes) Gillard (31); Gail (Tour Guide) Sadd (8 + 20*); Mark (Shady) Vincent (27); Rowland (Pet Rescue) Stibbards (26)
NEED MORE HASHES OR POSTING ORDER (10 - 24)
Graham (Hidden Depths) Plaice (23); Peter (Emptier) Fuller (18); Pierre (Quelque Chose) Leroy (18); Lesley (Tinkerbell) Bryning (15*); Ben (The Slobby Uno ♂) Sadd (13); Edward (The Wanderer) Vincent (12); Patrick (Sloe) Ginn (11); Sarah (..) Bryning (1 + 9*); Emma (…) Sadd (8 + 2*)
NEED MORE HASHES (5 - 9)
Paul (Crazy Fool) Kadoch (9); Alan (Orson) Kerridge (8+1*); Wendy (…) Stibbards (8*); Jenny (…)Fuller (3 + 4*); James (i-Plod) Vincent (7); Clare (The Slobby Uno ♀) Sadd (4 + 2*); Craig (Drama Queen)White (6); Manuela (…)Leroy (5*)
KEEP HASHING (1 - 4)
Nikki (Xtra Miles) Brooks (4); Andy (Muddy) Cheney (4); Steve Thornton (4); Pierre Leroy Jnr (3); Rebecca Leroy (3*); Mike (…) Lock (3); Fiona (…) Ray (1+2*); Paul Allen (2); David Orriss (2); Elsie May Ray (2*); Alf Sadd (2*); Ian (House Hunter) Seraph (2); Janice Vincent (2*); Chantelle Wareham (2); Jane Allen (1); Sandie Disney (1*); Renee Ginn (1*); Ben King (1+1*); Alice King (1*); George King (1*); Sarah King (1); Colin McGrory (1); Hilary Naylor (1); Emma Rae (1); Jon (Circus Boy) Smallwood (1); Fiona Vincent (1*)
Back to The Words
Price: 2Shoes/H Depth # 433 |
