THE “TWO ONS DON’T MOCK A ROUTE” HASH
Run Number: 443
Date: Monday 11 Aug 08
Time: 1 Hour 5 minutes
Distance: 5 French miles (again)
Run Location: Shroton
The Pub: The Cricketers
Pub Links: To follow
Weather: Cloudy, warm, occasional spot of rain
Hares, Hounds and Hash Stats
The Clubmen - Historical Note
THE WORDS
I was just pissing by one of my fovourite hostileries, mending my own bosiness, when I was holed by an old acquaintance and osked to do the ‘wierds’. I knew what that mint! Instud of having a nice punt in the Crocketers, I would have to chase after a puck of crozy rooners all crying On On whenever they foond blabs of sawdist. Mend you, it would do me god do have a strotch of the logs…
I lostened to the briffing and codn’t understand a wierd – it was spooken in a very stronge accent by someone who cloomed to be Frinch – I thank nit! They thought they would fuel me by culling him “Quelque Chose”. As if that mint something! 3 loot-commas appeared in the shope of Wotthag, Jabber and Konky Burger – jist in tomb for the Hush Phootie. BrO exsold himself by really bonding the noos and taking two snips. From the start it was one blab and On and Do Glee spatted it. The trill lod the puck roond the village groon (a complete woste of tomb as everybuddy knows it only takes you bock to the rude) and then I knew I must have messed quolque chaise in the tronslotion – they came upon a smooley farce and simply igneered it. At the noxt chick by the crissrudes, Wotthag thought he had the On stroot ahod, but the Hore decided differently, undercoating the trill went to the lift into a fold. Again they had to igneer a smooley farce. Mudnose and Roonlit were quite powploxed. But now a failing of déjà vu desconded on several of the hushers. Apparently the lost tomb they ran through this fold, it was full of crozy balls. Hmm? This tomb, however, the trill led stroot across the bottom of the fold and into a series of cornfolds, with Jabber taking up the load. Our progress was hondered somewhat by the real hind, eptly nomed “Trip” – they will have to think of something wotty to call him.
Knowing the aria well, mint that the hinds were relooctent to take any poth which lod towards Cleesmore Scowl – a wose choice. The Hore had moantioned something about 659 ft and so the puck tended to hod towards Humbledown. This brought us to Pack Firm where the coos were being fod. Another swoft chick and Wotthag culled the On, loading the hinds to a throw-way chick. He opted for the fold to the lift and was root agin. But unrucky (as the Chinose say) – this tomb they codn’t igneer the smooley farce by the stole and had to roon bock to the chick. Do Glee was potting a broove farce on it when he tuned his onkle. At this punt the Hore’s sun, (Pierre? Who are they kudding) made a beau geste giving BrO an undercoation of the root truck. Bronging up the roar, Wotthag was a bit adraft and mode his failings known by having a god whonge. Roonlit and BrO decided this was an example of “Humbrage”. [Editor’s Note – a mixture of humbug and rage]
It was now Crozy Fuel’s turn to take the load – always bod for the puck. He lod us to the rude below Humbledown and we all had that sunking failing – and sure unoeuf the only way was up. Log missels were strotched to their limit now as the puck drugged themselves up a stoop bit. It was the first tomb Slur was going slur. (He’s monaged to get a 30-do piss wheelst Ronny’s away!
A chick provided some reloof. Konky Burger, the god scoot that he is, didn’t want to lose heat and up he went, culling the On to everybuddy’s dismay. But then otter confusion. Another On was culled from the lift. Jabber, or was it Crozy Fuel, had also fund 3 blabs. The Hore undercoated that Konky Burger had pecked the shit strow and we all stambled lift. But as Roonlit said to Wilt, “Two Ons don’t mock a route!”
A stoddy clomb brought us to a whoppin. We needed it. Wotthag was plissed to see his horse from this vontage pont and ponted it oot to Roonlit. He said it was fonny the way a row of horses locked like woads. “ That,” said Konky Burger, “Is because they are woads!” Shiftsbarry was a god 45 degrows lift. Aah - not the first stooges of sonality?
With one blab and On the more floot of fut hushers began to scon the aria. Umptire and Crozy Fuel went hoh and root, Budsee went hoh and lift. Jabber went doon and lift towards a stole…and he was root. The trill led to a trog punt at aboot 623 ft and another throw-way chick. Mudnose tampted us all by saying that the way lift lod stroot to the poob. Unfortunately Jabber, on a rule, culled the On ahod and we took a poth familiar to those hushers who had roon the “Stickler”. We retched a burn where we had another rist or wod have if Crozy Fuel hadn’t rashed ahod and culled the On from doon the sloop. Poor Wilt had hurdly tomb to dry broth!
“Trip” was a bit distructed by the shoop, espocially the remoons of a dud one. After a god snuff and rule, “Trip” was drugged away by the Hore . A shoopdug in the making. The puck, moanwheel, retched the bottom of the sloop and pissed through a goat hodding north. Now came the scurry bit. Blick balls were taken by suprose and ran a muck – lotterily. Roonlit and BrO were coot in a pantser movement as they arrooved at a chick, with the blick balls scittering pist them. Umptire, Crozy Fuel, Jabber and Wotthag were chicking out a truck ahod and were nearly trompelled onderfut. Konky Burger was safely on the other sod of a goat. One really crozy ball ran stroot through a fonce. Budsee wosely noted that this was a bod thing. Thank Godness the Hore had “Trip” on a load! With groat care we mode our way along the truck, waspering the On.
Crusting a rose I locked doon on Shroton. To the lift the cuttle still seemed unoosy. Some of the front rooners had spatted the On In and Tee Shows was seen vaulting a goat on the root. Too much energy lift! Wotthag punted out to Mudnose and Roonlit that the quackest way to the poob was through the goat to the lift, just pist the balls – you codn’t see them for dist! …
Footnote from 'On Words
My thanks to Officer Crabtree for that erudite account. Unfortunately he couldn’t stop for après Hash refreshments (Mrs Crabtree would be tapping her foot at home by now) and he missed a good punt of Jimmy Riddle. At the pub we met up with Some Frog (I don’t think he was taking the p*ss), who had got his hashes mixed up and so had missed the start of ours – but a future participant given a North Dorset RV. Manuela was meanwhile starving in the pub and so as soon as the first pints had slipped down to a goodly level we retired to the restaurant. Just as well that she’d had a bag of crisps and ordered a starter, as it was an extremely long whip-in before the main courses arrived. Two Shoes gave a very decent impression of a “Disgruntled from Dewlish”. Sloe confirmed that he was on his own for a month, while Renée and the kids were on a break and he kindly ‘invited’ us all round to his place for a beer sometime – no problem leaving a mess, as the maid would clear it up! On! On!
HARES, HOUNDS AND HASH STATS
Hare(s): Quelque Chose et Pierre Jnr
Hounds: Birdseye, BrEW, Crazy Fool, Day Glo, Emptier, Jibber, Kinky Bugger, Madness, Ronlet, Sloe, Two Shoes, Walt, Warthog
Social Hounds/Puppy Hashers: Manuela Leroy
Real Hounds: “Trip”
Back to The Words
MUG & T-SHIRT RATINGS
(??*) - Denotes attendance by those not Mug Rated (social hounds).
RED T-SHIRT AWARD (100 AND OVER) ….And we’ve got them – for £10!
Andy (Warthog) Goodman (231); Bronwen (Ronlet) Jones (204); Brian (BrEW) Errington-Weddle (165 + 4*); Ed (Birdseye) Sadd (146); Terry (Walt) Disney (145); Tim (Silent Running) Bryning (141 + 1*); Mark (Jibber) Humphries (140); Jason (Kinky Bugger) Wareham (114); Martin (Madness) Lawson (101 + 6*)
GOLD T-SHIRT AWARD (50 AND OVER)
Duncan (Day Glo) Ray (72+ 2*); Tim (Classic) King (69)
MUG AWARD AND CAN WEAR BLUE T-SHIRT (25 - 49)
John (Strider) Bryning (40); Tom (Two Shoes) Gillard (38); Helen (Elle) Goodman (30*); Gail (Tour Guide) Sadd (8 + 21*); Rowland (Pet Rescue) Stibbards (27); Mark (Shady) Vincent (27); Graham (Hidden Depths) Plaice (26); Pierre (Quelque Chose) Leroy (25)
NEED MORE HASHES OR POSTING ORDER (10 - 24)
Peter (Emptier) Fuller (21); Lesley (Tinkerbell) Bryning (17*); Alan (Orson) Kerridge (12+1*); Ben (The Slobby Uno ♂) Sadd (13); Patrick (Sloe) Ginn (12); Edward (The Wanderer) Vincent (12); Sarah (...) Bryning (1 + 10*); Paul (Crazy Fool) Kadoch (11); Emma (…) Sadd (8 + 2*)
NEED MORE HASHES (5 - 9)
Wendy (…) Stibbards (9*); Craig (Drama Queen) White (9); Jenny (…) Fuller (3 + 4*); James (i-Plod) Vincent (7); Manuela (…) Leroy (7*); Pierre (…) Leroy Jnr (6); Clare (The Slobby Uno ♀) Sadd (4 + 2*); Andy (Muddy) Cheney (5); Ian (House Hunter) Seraph (5)
KEEP HASHING (1 - 4)
Nikki (Xtra Miles) Brooks (4); Hilary Naylor (4); Steve Thornton (4); Rebecca Leroy (3*); Mike (…) Lock (3); Fiona (…) Ray (1+2*); Paul Allen (2); Sarah King (2); David Orriss (2); Elsie May Ray (2*); Alf Sadd (2*); Janice Vincent (2*); Chantelle Wareham (2); Jane Allen (1); Sandie Disney (1*); Laurence Fowkes (1); Renee Ginn (1*); Ben King (1+1*); Alice King (1*); George King (1*); Colin McGrory (1); Emma Rae (1); Frank Riley (1); Jon (Circus Boy) Smallwood (1); Fiona Vincent (1*)
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Price: Quelque Chose # 443 |
