The Ham car park was alight with dayglo as the hounds gathered for this urban hash. BrEW and Ronlet who live only 5 minutes away (on foot!) decided to spare their legs and drive to the RV, arriving in the nick of time for Walt’s briefing. With a maiden hasher, Mark Davis, present, he demonstrated the hash markings – needed to anyway, as he’d decided to invent a new sign. Four blobs in a square – now listen carefully, I shall say this only wernce. 4 blobs requires 4 hashers in attendance – 3 to check and one to wait…3 blobs requires 3 hashers, 2 to check and one to wait… One blob and you’re On. If you’ve gone past 2 lampposts and seen no blobs, you’re not On… This was clearly too much information and the hounds promptly did a brain dump.

Then the photo-shoot and directions to check towards the river. But like a sneeze that doesn’t follow through, we all had stop as the Shaftesbury mob hove into view. They were given bags of encouragement to hurry up and manfully tried to ignore BrEW who tried to get them in a happy snap. They were warned about the new signage but no-one could be bothered to go through it all again! They’d pick it up… A bit of a bomb burst and then the trail was spotted heading towards Lower Bryanston. A quick check at the mini roundabout and some traffic dodging saw the hounds continuing their pursuit, passing the Stour Inn and heading up towards Bryanston Hills. Ronlet said she could have saved herself some effort and waited at her house, but the trail did not go that far and the pack veered left into Beckett Close and then up a steepish incline along Chettell Way. Most remembered this area from Walt’s previous late summer hash and with legs still fairly fresh we made speedy progress through the estate, emerging behind Stan into Birch Avenue. Madness was already lost but quickly reoriented himself with reference to the Tesco roundabout, which is where the sawdust then took us.

From here Jibber picked up the trail down towards Stour Meadows. Mark fancied the look of the path leading towards the blue bridge but had to divert over the embankment (with bags of encouragement from Warthog) to rejoin the rest of us as we followed the path round to the old railway crossing. ‘Young people’ not engaged in anything particular cheered us On as we followed Jibber’s lead up to the play park and On to Langton Road. A check took Sloe down a falsie. Jibber was on a role and called the On up Langton Crescent but then got duped into a cul-de-sac whilst the rest of us took the stepped footpath down. This was obviously designed by a man as Puddle Duck and Ronlet struggled to get an even pace. Mark then took up the lead back towards the town centre, but made a wrong choice at the traffic lights. The veterans favoured the route passed the Damory and Warthog was pretty convinced that the trail would then proceed along the old railway line. But his hopes were dashed when Birdseye called the On up and into Alfred Street. The lure of various side streets interrupted our progress, but basically we were set on a straight course as far as King’s Road. At least 4 had to check here - left, right and on either side of the road (maybe we needed a 5-blobber). Ronlet and Puddle Duck made a lucky choice, but carefully laid sawdust fooled them into Elizabeth Road. The Hare, however, wanted to take us by the scenic route, via Highfields and passed a double row of garages out on to Philip Road. Silent Running followed the Golden Rule and checked up which meant he had a good downhill canter to catch up with the rest as we headed in the opposite direction.

After a down, an up to the high point at the end of an apparent dead-end, and then along a ginnel (as they say oop North) which took us out and along to the end of Elizabeth Road… If only we’d known! The trail then led us across a playing field. There was some concern here as we were slipping from dusk into night and there were a lot of dog walkers about. Puddle Duck and Ronlet feared the soft tread! Madness advised they should watch where they were going – obviously he’s been taking the carrot juice.

By this stage BrEW was suffering Madness’ disorientation sickness and was only slightly the wiser when informed he was in Preetz Way. Emerging onto the Salisbury Road, Jibber, Silent Running and Ronlet bore right but gave up after 2 lampposts – you see, they had been listening! However, Walt informed them that the first lamppost didn’t count! Aha… So it’ll be that way then. The trail then turned left up Stottesford Avenue, the entry into the newish estate on Blandford Heights. We came to a “W” which marked the half-way point and, apparently, the highest point in Blandford. BrEW was again confused because he thought he lived in Blandford Heights until his other half told him it was Bryanston Hills (close!). Obviously with senile dementia setting in, some needed to rest and Walt had devised a beer stop at his gaff (opposite the “W”), not only out of the goodness of his heart but because it was our 450th! Sandie greeted us and offered us an array of refreshments. Sloe appreciated the handy ‘hash’ sized bottles, but Madness clearly thought they were lacking in volume. We were all very impressed with the neatness of Walt’s garage and Silent Running invited him round to sort his out.

Madness didn’t keep us waiting long (if at all) and we progressed through the estate out on to the road near the recycling centre. No-one really wanted to head right but unfortunately Walt had other ideas. Can’t remember who called the On – Jibber or Kinky Bugger, but they’d disappeared down a footpath into the industrial estate. It was quite dark along this section and Ronlet soon discovered Warthog’s aversion to the use of torches. Some ‘Humbrage’ about throwing up black spots and ruining his night vision… Another one on the carrots.

Walt thought we all wanted to see which industrial units were tucked away down here. We didn’t really. When we re-emerged on Shaftesbury Lane, Madness, Warthog and Ronlet were pretty sure that the trail would lead us to the Milldown (end of the Blandford Bridges run apparently) and if it hadn’t been for Ronlet’s bloody torch, I don’t know how we would have found the sawdust which was not liberally deposited. She had yet to find one blob when the On was called and we all zoned in on her light. The Milldown at night didn’t look that inviting but it was the obvious route and again Ronlet led the way to the left, beacon held aloft. The path then came to a junction. Ronlet went left, Jibber straight on and Birdseye to the right and with no torch straight into an ankle deep puddle – oh, how we laughed. Mirth was interrupted when Jibber called the On – in fact he had stumbled across the trail which should have been picked up by Ronlet – that’s the tricky thing when a trail loops back. But torches weren’t needed here and we surged down and out along the road towards the hospital. A junction and check had Silent Running calling the On along past the Spar on Heddington Drive. A check some two hundred yards on, took us right into a Close from which another path lead us to the trail running parallel with the old railway line. Again Ronlet had hit the front – it’ll be that bloody torch again, and the pack cautiously followed. Warthog was still tempted by the old railway line and took a diversion (and most of the pack) down into its dark environs. Ronlet, Mark and Birdseye, however, didn’t fancy that and continued to Salisbury Road. With encouragement from Walt to continue along to the right, Ronlet led us to the next check by the traffic lights. The end was not far off and the favoured options were left or straight on to the Nelson, which proved correct. A check just before said hostelry had Ronlet and Silent Running exploring the path and car park leading to the Whitecliff surgery. Sawdust was only spotted at the road on the other side by which time the pack had been tipped the wink by the Hare.


At the next check Ronlet succumbed to the conviction that the route would head down Eagle House Gardens and although the first blob was well-disguised it was a blob. Accompanied by Warthog she took up the running and we followed, taking the road down to the back of the Crown Hotel and past the new Mews properties. Looking for the On-In we came across an arrow which pointed us back to the car park. Another fine, pacey urban hash at season’s close. The Greyhound provided a brief oasis before over half the pack obeyed the call of her/him indoors, leaving 5 to enjoy the culinary delights of the Simla. Not sure if we didn’t outstay our welcome though – a lot of pot bashing before we left at 11pm.

Hare(s): Walt

Hounds: Birdseye, BrEW, Jibber, Kinky Bugger, Madness, Puddle Duck, Ronlet, Silent Running, Sloe, Warthog, Mark Davis and Stan Kingsbury

Social Hounds/Puppy Hashers: Sandie Disney

Real Hounds: None


Price: Walt       # 450